Love is giving someone the power to hurt you, but trusting him not to.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

This blog post is especially for you:

He's @ icon bar now.
Guess he must be enjoying himself.
I haven't eaten anything for the whole day.
Did you ask? Nope.

Had a big quarrel with him just now.
And i texted him this:
I've got no say anymore. I failed as a gf. I'm so sorry so let's put an end to this r/s.
I hope you found back your freedom.
I text my girlfriends:
I don't feel like meeting anyone today. Sorry i'm not going anywhere tonight.
I apologise if this decision is too last minute.
After which i switched off my phone.
And cried so hard.

Woke up and recieved msg from rui, weenah, marcus, phoebe.
Called marcus and weenah back.
Weenah passed the phone to yuewei and she talked to me.
Marcus said:
Don't make rash decision... Calm down and think about it.
Yuewei said:
Be understanding and don't say things you'll regret.
True enough...
Then he called.
Talked things out. After that his hp went flat.
He text me:
Batt flat call you later.
Till now haven't call yet.

He thinks we're okay.
But baby you really think so?
Its very rare i will get my sat and sun off.
I thought i would make full use of it by spending time with you.
But not anymore.
Fri and Sat you wasn't by my side..
Sun i still don't know if you will come down to my company's bbq.

Regarding the icon bar issue, i admit i was unreasonable.
I didn't paint the big picture at that point of time.
I'm very sorry about it.
And you being caught saying "oh then i don't call her back lo"
I happen to hear this so how should i feel?
You yourself said that if it was you, you would be piss off and might mention the word break up.
And phoebe's issue, i was mad why u choose to hide things from me, why you couldn't be honest with me.
We always had nothing to hide.
I know i walk off without giving you a chance to explain was my fault.
But even if i didn't walked off, we would both be giving each other a face.
I'm upset why xh choose to treat phoebe this why when phoebe has done so much for xh.
I think phoebe has every right to know because it concerns her.
Why make phoebe believe that this love exist right from the start but do you know that now when she know the truth, it hurts her even more.
Now that i know you are actually protecting me like what you have said over the phone,
Fine i accept it.

But you know what..
You are always not there for me when i needed you most.
I said this not because i want to blame you.
I said it because I am really very upset about it.
I have been very troubled this few days...
That is partly why i flare up easily.
I am sick and tired of my family matters already.
Yet i have to still quarrel with you.
Then i became even more sensitive and you still do things which will upset me even more!
You know i hated you raising your voice at me. Yet you still did that!
And that's when i couldn't take it anymore and i finally break down.
That explain the last message i send to you.

I wish you would be more understanding when i am so down..
I wish you would pamper me like a little girl..
I'm not saying you aren't a good bf, you can be a good bf, its whether you want to be or not.
I set high expectation on you not because i want to suffocate you, its because i don't want to end up like my family.
That very first time you told me i am very precious to you...
You really make me believe in what you say but now i am doubting your words again.
My mum told me to find a guy who loves me more than i love him.
I hope one day you will be! (:

♥ 3/01/2009 01:48:00 AM